You know, back when I was being impressed by the first season of this show, I was happy that there wasn’t quite so much gratuitous sex as there was in other historical shows. Flash forward to Season 4 and it’s just Crossbows and Knobbing. It’s still a lot of fun, but the structure of Generic Historical Drama is creeping in, and not to the show’s benefit.
Take Yidu, for example. I was really happy when it seemed that she and Ragnar were just going to be Drug Bros, but it was not to be. Given the glacial pace that this program sometimes moves at, were two scenes of Travis Fimmel taking a bath really necessary?
Anyway, it’s not all me complaining about TV sex scenes. There’s also Ivarr doing his Egil’s Saga impression, with the scene where he kills another kid with an axe — a great little moment. I think Ivarr and the kids are currently my favourite thing about this show, which is a shame because they’re not in it very much. And there’s yet another massacre, with Kalf getting shanked up by Lagertha, who takes power backed by her shieldmaiden squad. Which is OK, but …
… I think this show has kind of a funny idea of how politics works in early medieval societies. This is the third scene this season in which someone has set up a meeting, negotiation or other way to resolve a dispute peacefully and then just killed everyone. Kalf did it to whatsisname, Rollo did it to his dudes and Lagertha did it to Kalf. Why does anyone negotiate with anyone? And how are they going to replace all these dead guys? It’s just … it’s like they saw that the Red Wedding was really shocking and dramatic and now that’s all they know how to do. “… but he kills ’em!”
I am still watching this show. And what’s more, I’m still enjoying it. There are lots of fun little moments. I like the way the characters age. But damn it is dumb sometimes.
I can’t tell whether it feels like ages since I wrote about the History Channel’s Vikings or whether it feels like only yesterday — and considering this show’s head-spinningly weird blend of time periods, maybe that’s appropriate. I did spend the first ten minutes of the first episode (I’m up to three so far) trying to remember who the hell all the characters were, particularly in the Lagertha plotline.
From left to right: why do we put up with this asshole, cute little future murderfiend, I know why we put up with this asshole, why does anyone put up with this asshole, poor old dumbhead, Stabs McGee, some asshole, poor old dumbhead
I don’t want to go into too much detail — I’ll save episode-by-episode recaps for when I’m catching up one at a time — but here are my impressions so far:
I understand why characters in TV shows never wrap up properly for winter. Band of Brothers did it, with the result that it was hard as hell to tell the characters apart. But maybe don’t send Bjorn out into the freezing snow as a challenge of survival, and then show scene after scene of him running around without so much as a hat or scarf. Or even hair!
Mind you, I’m not convinced that “the interior” (of Jutland?!) is the icy, mountainous hell the show makes it out to be, but I think we’ve long since just resigned ourselves to the fact that these Vikings live in Skyrim.
One of the problems that writing about history creates is that you have to move as much of the action as possible into the “present” of the story because showing a character discovering something is a better way of introducing it than just having someone explain it. Sometimes this works OK-ish, like with Bjorn discovering fractional freezing, and sometimes it is absolutely stupid. Like … the Franks hire Rollo to defend Paris, and when he explains to them that maybe next time some boats would be handy they act like he’s some great strategist. Guys you are on an island in a river.
I do like that, battle scenes and weird mystical interludes aside, this is ultimately a show about politics rather than a saga of heroic warriors. Or, better yet, that it understands that battle scenes and weird mystical interludes are an important part of politics. I can forgive it a lot of silliness for getting that fundamental point about the atmosphere right.
So yeah; I will keep watching, obviously. Hell, I watched The Last Kingdom and that was not nearly as good. It’s a compulsion.
So The Last Kingdom continues, and more or less in the vein I presumed it would. Uhtred doesn’t have the brains to close the windows when it snows, Alfred is the kind of devious swine who founds great nations, and Ragnar is a big dumb charming loaf.
The most interesting thing about this episode (which may come from the novel; it’s been many years since I read it and I can’t remember) is the attempt to imagine what being a hostage in the early middle ages actually means. Are you in a cell? Are you an honoured guest? What’s the deal? Presumably the answer is that it varies in awkward ways, but Guthrum’s initial intro was relatively plausible.
The fortress was a bit … castle-y for the early middle ages, but honestly if you were going to lock a dude up in a building, a church might do nicely. I thought Guthrum’s moody, brooding personality was quite good; even if we know pretty much zip about the historical Guthrum in terms of what he was like, this fits with what we know about his behaviour and kiiiiiind of Chesterton’s portrayal of him in The Ballad of the White Horse, so whatever.
I can’t decide whether Ragnar, Guthrum or Uhtred has the stupidest, least appropriate armour. I think it goes to Uhtred for wearing his sword on his back like a dingdong.
It is late and I am for bed; sorry about the delay but I was getting drunk and watching old Shaw Brothers movies (and modern ninja flicks). Living the dream.
I have written on this blog before about sensationalism and the kind of mixed reaction I have to it. I’ve had several conversations recently, though, that had me thinking about it again. As always, I’m just thinking out loud here — quite unsure how I feel.
So if we’re going to talk about sensationalism, let’s talk about berserkers.
Rarr!
So, if you’re like most people, when you think of the Viking period, you think of berserkers — fearsome warriors clad in bear or wolf skins who would go into an unstoppable battle frenzy! Everyone likes a good berserker, and they turn up in everything from the TV show to games about the period. You can see a few such characters I’ve painted up for wargames above, so don’t imagine that I’m immune to the fascination.
The berserker image is potent, and it’s potent because it’s simple — giving up everything and surrendering yourself to this overwhelming fury. It’s the simplicity that gives it its intensity, and the intensity that gives it its popularity. But like all very simple images, it’s an oversimplification.
I recently watched a video about berserkers by Nikolas “lindybeige” Lloyd, which I thought was very good, although in my view it comes to too sweeping a conclusion: “it wasn’t like this, it was like that,” instead of it “it wasn’t like this, we’re not sure what the deal was,” which I think is where the evidence points.
If you’re interested in reading more, I would check out Berserkjablogg, which I think (I should have written it down) is run by lindybeige’s source. In particular, the cited passages are in this post. Based on the literary evidence — and that’s a whole extra kettle of fish right there, of course, but since the literary evidence is largely where our berserker image comes from, it might as well be what we use to criticise it — it seems like we’re seeing much more complicated, some kind of understood social identity of being a berserk. This identity had something to do with animal qualities, but it doesn’t mean that some kind of unreasoning frenzy was a psychological reality for the Vikings particularly.
Now, to me, that’s actually much more interesting. But just like everyone else, it’s the sensational, romantic version of the thing that attracted me in the first place. And although I don’t hate to lose it — I can keep the fantasy version in my head with the real one with no problem — I do feel like on the one hand I want to deplore the way movies and games simplify everything while on the other hand I want to … revel in it?
Apologies for no post yesterday! I had connection problems all day and was out all evening. Today I just want to post a few links, but I promise I’ll have a long post for Movie Monday, as we take on a suspiciously familiar legend of the Old West!
In the meantime, though, if you’ve enjoyed my posts about the History Channel’s Vikings, you should head on over to Howard Williams’s blog, where he is looking at various aspects of early medieval culture in the show with an attitude of … affectionate skepticism? Bemused tolerance? Anyway, it’s definitely worth reading; pop culture medieval stuff looked at by a bona fide expert on the topic. I don’t know where he finds the patience, honestly.
Aaaaanyhow, speaking of Vikings, it’s the Christmas in July sale over at DTRPG and DriveThru Fiction, and that means The Barest Branch, my novella of Viking/Lovecraftian horror and hopelessness, is a mere $2.25 American, in MOBI or PDF. I hear getting the mobi file onto the Kindle app as opposed to an actual device is tricky, though. Your mileage may vary.
My attention span is so short these days that I did not really remember what this title was in reference to until a voiceover in the episode itself called it out. My god, I’ve become one of those people.
Boogady boogady BOO!
Right, let’s go through this piece by piece:
Speaking of being one of those people, I hate to say this but what was the point of Odo’s bondage scene? Gisla doesn’t like him, so he hooks up with some random Frankish flatterer — but he has … kinky … desires. Lord. OK, where to begin? Apparently Odo has some kind of sex dungeon right in the heart of Paris, and this is not an open secret. Leaving that aside, absolutely nothing happens in this scene. The woman (whose name I don’t think we even know) gets her kit off and Odo starts whipping her. I guess this is supposed to be a big revelation about Odo’s character? I’m not sure I see that, and it’s hard to see that anyone who knows more than one person who’s into BDSM could either (statistically, that’s everyone, I expect). Like … if you are trying to show me that Odo is a dominant personality who is into control, maybe the previous episodes in which he is the general of a fucking army might have given me a hint. I just … much is made of “sexposition” on Game of Thrones, and it was pretty stupid, but at least they tried to use their sex scenes to, y’know, illuminate the characters and advance the plot. Sometimes. But this? I mean … look, I’m not against boobs. I stand on my record there. But images of boobs are readily and cheaply available. If you’re going to put them into something otherwise boob-free, it would be nice if they played a role, or even nicer if they didn’t try to act like they were all significant and not just a lazy attempt to pander. Also, if you need to suggest that someone has a secret perversion, maybe don’t make it a) the most ubiquitous kink there is, and b) the same one as the last guy who had his secret perversions revealed, you know? Sorry; that went on longer than I expected it to.
I am, shall we say, not wholly convinced by Ragnar’s plan, but whatever — if it’s good enough for Snorri it’s good enough for me.
I mention Snorri because Ragnar’s plan is straight out of King Harald’s Saga again, although of course Harald Hardrada was already a Christian, it being the 11th century. This does mean that the saga account has the added detail that all the priests and monks want Harald buried in their churches because of the gifts it’ll bring. That’s a nice detail and it’s a shame the context here doesn’t allow it. Are we going to get the thing with the birds?
Would you bite this man’s style?
Seriously, actually, that bird story is also told about Olga of Kiev, and I will forgive a lot if Olga turns up in this series as a tough-as-hell older queen. Make it happen, History Channel.
I don’t want to be all history-purist about Rollo and his conversion, but I am going to be mad as hell if this turns out to be Rollo’s downfall. The converts win in the end. You can’t fight City Hall. I realise this isn’t The Wire, but I have a lot of time for shows where you can’t fight City Hall. Also, I am given to understand that Paris worth a mass, and surely the same must be said for Normandy. I’m just waiting for him to turn up next season all clean-shaven. “Rollo, how could you?!” “It’s Robert now, actually.”
Speaking of Rollo, I do sometimes think that this show’s generally-clumsy dialogue can overshadow the fact that there is some particularly good acting happening at times. Take Clive Standen, for instance: I am only speculating, but I would assume that he was cast for being a huge ferocious-looking dude. But he nails that hopeful little “hello!” at the end of the episode in a way that reminds you that no matter how much of a goof he is, you secretly want Rollo to do well.
Having worn out all of his other co-conspirators, Ragnar seems to be relying on Bjorn these days. I hope that means that Bjorn will be the main character after Ragnar dies; it seems like we are due a time-jump between this season and the next, which presumably means we get the rest of the Ragnarssons as larger characters? That’d be nice.
And that’s it for this season. What am I going to be rude about now? When does Marco Polo start up again? I could be rude about that, maybe.
A cameo appearance from everyone’s favourite Jorvik Viking Centre character!
Sorry for the lack of posts lately; it’s been a busy week with the Easter holidays ending and exam season approaching. I hope to have more posts, including a reader-questions post (or posts) soon, just bear with me.
Anyway, we are here to talk about another attempt to take Paris, plus a few reminders that shit is still going on back in Kattegat (which is a body of water, not a town, and a late-medieval term anyway, but whatever) and in Wessex. But my favourite thing about this episode is:
Either from his wounds or from the river water, Ragnar gets the galloping shits and spends the entire episode sweating, writhing and tripping balls.
Now, viewed from a rational perspective, this raises more questions than it answers. Like, does this now mean we’re living in a more-or-less realistic universe, where people in the early middle ages get sick and post-injury care is a dicey proposition? Or are we in the universe where Bjorn can kill like a hundred dudes, then get shot twice with a crossbow and left in a pile of bodies and be not only well on the way to recovery but actually in better shape than his wheezing, ranting dad?
But I can’t help it — I like it.
Some other points:
Once again, anything that could possibly be construed as a music video in this show is pretty good. In this case, Ragnar’s visions while hallucinating are nicely atmospheric. It’s the dialogue, as a rule, that lets the series down.
The different members of Ragnar’s old crew are being nicely differentiated as commanders — here we see Lagertha and her shieldmaidens (I have expressed my mixed feelings about this idea previously) acting as some kind of commando squad. So we’ve got scouts (Lagertha), engineers (Floki) and an assault squad (Rollo). Technically I believe that means we need some mortars or maybe an anti-tank rocket next.
Charles is a weenie, in a clear parallel to the origins of his royal house, who were tough officials who took over from weenie kings. Or something.
Count Odo unleashes a great big spiked barrel, which Rollo takes out with some harpoons. I don’t … I just … the end of the passageway is a barricade swarming with crossbowmen, Odo. Don’t roll a big piece of cover at your attackers, just keep shooting them. It would also help if anyone in this show had a spear; you could totally jab them as they approached.
That said, it is nice to see the Vikings just sometimes getting their butts kicked in a stand-up fight; they were weirdly invincible in some previous episodes.
Do I have to say “what in the merry hell is everyone wearing” again? No? OK, good.
Cynric! Hey, everybody, it’s Cynric! I have legit no idea who that guy is. I think maybe he hung out with Aslaug in Season 2, but that’s it. It’s all vanished like smoke.
Oh, Earl Siegfried got captured. I’d feel very different about that if I cared who he was. He has stood around being tall in group shots, but other than that I don’t think he’s done much. Anyway, he gets the beheading bit which is from King Harald’s Saga, I believe? Certainly it is from a saga of some kind; I could be wrong about which one.
Saint Ansgar shows up and gets pretty summarily disposed of. Honestly, if it wasn’t for Ragnar’s seeming fixation with Christianity, I would be beginning to suspect this show of full-blown Cornwellism. I do like the idea that Ragnar’s going to come home and find that Aslaug has martyred a dude — a worthwhile reminder that way back in the day she was set up as being pretty magic-y.
Also, that hot iron ordeal thing is a custom from Anglo-Saxon England, although the specifics of it were a little different than the show portrays. The accused had to carry the hot iron bar a certain distance. At the end of the process his burns were bandaged; if after three days they had healed, he was innocent. The word for “infected” or “dirty” could also mean “guilty” in Old English — Anglo-Saxon culture was pretty obsessed with cleanliness. I assume that the priests administering the ordeal would either heat the bar to as hot as they wanted it to be or just look blithely at the wound and pronounce whatever result they preferred, but I’m a cynic.
This sub-Game of Thrones stuff going on back in Wessex is pretty boring. I realise they’e just marking time until our heroes get back there, but oy.
Yay for bribery! Yay for the show’s totally impressionistic approach to who is speaking what language that actually makes it sound cool but is still easy to follow! Yay for Odo not being at all impressed by Sweaty McStaggers, which I hope hope hope explains why the Franks are going to continue to view Rollo as Top Viking.
Speaking of Game of Thrones, one of the cool things about the show these days is how disconnected from the books it is now. If you’ve already read them, it’s nice to feel like you don’t know what’s happening next (especially as the wait-for-interesting-stuff : interesting-stuff ratio in the books is high). But somehow in Vikings I keep wanting historical stuff to happen already, god damn it. For some reason I am really attached to the idea of Rollo’s impending heel (or is it face?) turn and I am impatient about seeing it happen. I’m not really sure why.
Anyway, thanks for reading! Next week we’ll be back with yet another episode of people shouting at Ragnar and not realising that if they don’t want to get betrayed they need to stab him. STAB. HIM.
In the meantime, if you’ve read this far and you like Vikings, may I suggest that you might enjoy my short and inexpensive ebook, The Barest Branch? It is a story of Lovecraftian horror set in a somewhat impressionistic Viking age. You can buy it on Amazon (UK) (US), or from the good folks at DriveThru.
Well, since for once I’m actually writing about a show while it is airing, more or less, let’s have a quick post to catch up with what’s going on on Vikings, shall we? In this week’s episode, everyone goes to Paris, while back at home and in Wessex things are getting even more Game-of-Thrones-y in narrative fragmentation terms. I’m not going to write a detailed recap, but the gist is that the invasion force arrives outside Paris, the Franks are holed up on the Ile de la Cite, we get to see some internal Frankish politics with the emperor Charles, his daughter Gisla and military leader Count Odo, Ragnar puts Floki in charge of the attack and Floki gets all inspired to build stuff. Meanwhile in England, Mercia and Wessex keep squabbling and the writers remember Northumbria exists. And back at home Thorunn wants to give up the baby but Aslaug advises her otherwise with what passes for feminism in the middle ages.
Floki wants more Ambiguously Supernatural Adventures!
Thoughts I thought:
Man, I really regret all that stuff I said about Cwenthrith being a more complex character and not just all sexy-sexy. Her bullshit “I’m so kinky” seduction scene in this episode was just infuriating. Again, I can kind of see what they’re going for — like, she tries to seduce Aethelwulf because she knows she’s got shit-all else to use against him. And indeed, he gets all tormented by desire but in the end he points out that he has a big army and is not to be messed with and she has nowhere to go. But urrrrgh. I want more scenes with Aslaug being political and magic-y and wise (and somehow to forget that she showed up being all sexy and mysterious too).
Floki, as written, could be a really irritating character, so much love to Gustaf Skarsgard for selling him as a guy who is crazy and yet still nervous and uncertain a lot of the time. Like, you can see that religion helps give Floki a framework for knowing what to do with the fact that he’s mentally ill. And in a rare piece of above-average dialogue, his big awkward, soul-searching scene with Helga from last season is actually echoed in his lines in this episode: “Floki the boat-builder, Floki the tower … maker” recalls “Floki the boat-builder, Floki the fisherman,” at least to me. And we go back to the thing about Ragnar being a little bit crazy, too — he’s a surfer, not a planner, and the vulnerability this creates is partly why people stay loyal to him. Is the much more put-together Kalf meant to be a contrast?
I still miss Bjorn’s old haircut.
I have no idea why the Franks are wearing weird masks other than that I guess it is France so there has to be a man in an iron mask? I am not an expert on Frankia so if this turns out to be an actual thing somebody please tell me.
I wonder if there is just something about Rollo’s internal thermometer that is a couple of degrees out compared to everyone else’s. In the big last scene where Floki is whipping up the troops into a frenzy, all the leaders are standing up on the ridge thing looking at the city, and Rollo’s got his shirt off again. Who is he, Peter Quincy Taggart? I guess if you spend a lot of time in the early medieval gym, which Rollo clearly does, you want to get your early medieval kit off as much as possible. I’m not gonna lie, though, they actually do a really good job of portraying Rollo as a character who knows that a big part of his social role is to stand around looking hard as shit. It’s just still a bit noticeable.
Yeah, yeah, this was last season.
Blah blah self-flagellation. In my mind, this is really a 14th-century thing, although I wouldn’t swear there aren’t earlier examples. But the church has spend a long time presenting itself as a timeless unity, so I guess there’s no room to complain when that’s how writers see it.
The theme of this episode for me is the contrast between Kattegatt, Wessex (and Mercia, I guess, whatever) and Paris. That is: in past episodes we have seen that Wessex was a bit of a shock to the Vikings, although of course Ragnar is too cool for school and didn’t show it. In this episode we get to see how dingy and poor Ecbert’s palace looks in comparison to Charles’s. This is some of that historical impressionism that tedious hack from a few posts ago was talking about — regardless of whether the details of the rooms and costumes and things are right (and they don’t appear to be), that comparison is probably about right. Ragnar is a bumpkin compared to Ecbert, who is a bumpkin compared to Charles, who is a bumpkin compared to the Byzantine emperor.
What they’re overplaying is the idea that this is totally alien to the Vikings. Way back in the first season when they arrived in England it was as if they arrived on the moon. Now this is smart screenwriting, I guess — obviously in reality these cultures had long been in contact, but it’s a lot easier to have people find things out in the actual episode than have them talk about stuff in “as you know, Bob” conversations. But it’s still an exaggeration. Denmark and Frankia are right next to each other, and the Franks are mixed up in Danish politics. I think that’s even how we know about the historical King Horik at all, although I may be misremembering. But the show plays up Denmark like it’s a (mountainous, fjord-having) island in the middle of the ocean, with no connections other than the ones Ragnar creates. Easy for simplicity’s sake, I guess.
As always, I find the uniforms in this show silly (see also: Game of Thrones) but I understand why they need to exist.
Next week: a big battle? Hopefully there will be some strategy in it. That’s if I don’t just binge-watch Daredevil instead.
So I have spoken previously about Vikings, the show on the History Channel which we get on Amazon UK. I am now caught up as far as the middle of Season 3, which I think is as much as is out there. And it’s … interesting.
So there are a few trends I’ve been noticing in this season, and I wonder if anyone else watching the show feels the same way.
Less GoT-ification? Last season it seemed like there was a lot of kind of implausible Game of Thrones sex plot (or I, Claudius if you’re nasty) and that seems to have dried up a little. Instead of Cwenthryth being just some louche debauchery queen who turns up and has sex with a bunch of Ecbert’s troops, we see her as someone who’s stranger and more sort of psychologically complicated (although still in corny TV-show ways, of course; it’s still Vikings). And although there is still a lot of focus on the screwing, it seems a little more subdued. At least to my eye, but what do I know?
Doubling down on the timeline! I have to confess this one surprised me. Obviously the very beginning of the first season set us up for the well-known story of Ragnar getting killed and his sons seeking vengeance. But then this thing with Judith is just … OK, let me ask this. What year is it? Because we’ve got the Vikings making first contact with England (the 790s), the birth of Alfred the Great (the 840s), and the life of Rollo (the 900s). And I thought they were just going to fudge that, but no, they keep reinforcing the idea of tying the story to specific historical figures. Like, people claim that The Tudors is historically inaccurate, and it absolutely is, but at least like Richard III doesn’t show up in it. But the show seems determined to go full Perry Bible Fellowship.
I still don’t care about Torstein. Back at the beginning, Ragnar had this little posse of Viking warrior dudes: there was Rollo and Floki and Lagertha and The Tall One and The One With One Eye and The Other One. Two seasons later, The Other One gets a dramatic arc wrap-up, but … did he have an arc in the first place? As far as I can remember, he just delivered news occasionally. I may be forgetting a bunch of interesting stuff he did.
Sorry, Torstein. It’s not your fault you didn’t get good stories.
Ambiguously supernatural stuff! This is my favourite part of this season. Frankly, this show could be Ambiguously Supernatural Adventures and I’d be happy. The more this is about some Legends of the Old West-type historical mythology rather than “well, you know, the Vikings blah blah blah,” the happier I am.
Battle scenes continue to bore. So the big battle at the beginning of Season 2 had some character development in it, and so did the one in this season where the thing happened with Thorunn; I don’t want to spoil it. But for the most part, the fights are just frustrating. They’re just a bunch of dudes running at each other and clanging their swords together, and they’re set up so that we feel like Ragnar is a cheat. Like, he has no business winning some of these things. I swear he makes an opposed landing out of his longships at one point and the Mercian archers just stand there with their thumbs up their butts (not that there were probably a lot of organised archers in early medieval armies, but leave that aside for the moment), zipping off an arrow every now and again.
It just feels fake — the show, intentionally or not, sets up the scene as “this is going to be really difficult,” but then Ragnar just walks it without any real effort to show how he overcame the difficulty.
Clothes and hair. I miss Bjorn’s Bayeux Tapestry hair, and I note that Ragnar is still sewing the seams of his shirts closed with what appears to be some kind of electrical cable. He must be cold as shit. Everything is all black and grey and blue, because that is what colour things were in the past as any fule kno. Sometimes you wonder if people actually think about Viking age costumes or whether they just lie down and go “let me imagine someone who’s tough-looking. What does it mean to be tough?” In the 1950s and 60s, apparently the answer was “little leather shorts,” and in the modern day apparently it means “doesn’t know anyone who can sew.”
Why is everyone I know a scumbag? One of the most irritating things about Sons of Anarchy was that in order to maintain the premise, the show had to keep conserving its characters, which led to this situation where whatsisname, y’know, Hamlet, was forever trusting people who had clearly betrayed him in the past and had no motive to change. In Vikings, this isn’t as bad, because the cast of available supporting characters actually has a good in-narrative reason to be limited — there’s only so many jarls or whatever around. Additionally, this is the kind of political behaviour you see all the time in the sagas, with people being enemies one minute and kinda-sorta allies the next. It’s nice to see it on screen. And then again, it’s all backed up by the knowledge that Ragnar is eventually going to get his comeuppance eventually (probably).
So yeah, I’m going to keep watching and enjoy the occasionally great shots (of the stark, mountainous landscape of, er, southern Denmark … ) and the fun little character moments and wish they could get someone who could write some dialogue. I think it’s very interesting that this show continues to exist.
I guess this would be the time to mention that I wrote a little Lovecraft-influenced horror novella set in the Viking age. I’m very diffident about everything I do, but if you think that it sounds interesting, you can find the links to buy it here.
I have written in the past about superheroes and archaeology, largely inspired by the papers given at the Monstrous Antiquities conference back in November. Today, I just want to point out that there is a surprising amount of archaeology in the 1979 Spider-Woman cartoon … or, well … sort of.
I don’t know if you’re familiar with the Spider-Woman cartoon, but it seems to have been largely an attempt to cash in on the popularity of Wonder Woman, right down to the spinning transformation, here called a “spider-spin.” And yeah, you know you’re back in the olden days when Marvel is trying to cash in on a DC property.
Anyway, the cartoon basically resembles what you’d get if you got one of the less grounded Bronze Age creators (poor old Bill Mantlo, perhaps, or maybe Bob Kanigher (I may mean Bob Haney)) and just fed them an absolute shitload of cough syrup and told them to have at it, oh, and to try to work in something educational to satisfy the FCC. Maybe the easiest way for you to see what I mean about this show’s bizarre mix of earnestness and foolery is just to watch an episode.
Our very first episode is “Pyramids of Terror,” and it kicks off with Spider-Man being in Egypt (for some reason) where he is captured by a villainous mummy. Spider-Woman, her bumbling sidekick and her plucky sidekick go off to Egypt following a series of mummy attacks, and then … erm …
It turns out, right, that these mummies came from space in their pyramid ships and were buried under the sands of Egypt lo these many years ago, and I guess they inspired ancient Egyptian culture, because why not? The classic motif of the Sphinx shooting beams out of its eyes is gone one better here — not only does it have eyebeams, but if the beams hit you, they turn you into a mummy!
Eventually, Spider-Woman realises that the motive force behind the alien spaceships is, no fooling, Pyramid Power and uses her webbing to turn the lead ship into a cube.
It’s like a checklist of pop culture Egypt:
ambulatory mummy
did ancient astronauts …?
Pyramid Powah!
So this is all well and good, but what’s weird is that it keeps happening. Spider-Woman is a very globe-trotting sort of heroine, and she winds up in contact with a lot of past-type stuff.
She goes back to the 10th century to fight some Vikings:
Fights some Amazons in a vaguely Mexico-ish sort of Amazon temple thing:
Seriously, I think the statue:eyebeams ratio is about 1:1.
And there’s a few more temples and castles as well. Apparently it all gets a bit more UFO-y in the later seasons, but I’m not there yet. I really just wanted to share that mummy episode with people because, you know, pink pyramid spaceship with sphinx-shaped mummy-ray turret.
The Gonzo History Project 